Yes, I've obviously been sad. There's been lots and LOTS of crying the last few months, and I've been wondering if it was just me and if it was very serious. My biggest feelings are sadness about a lack of attention toward our wedding, not wanting being excited for our wedding day (even dreading it), and not being very into planning. The last thing I want is to have depression, admitting it to family and friends, and having to be diagnosed by my doctor.
Off I went to my friend, Google, to see if there was such thing as pre-wedding depression, like there is post wedding depression. It turns out there is such a thing! Obviously, it doesn't mean I'm exempt from getting depression, but right now, I know I'm not alone in what I'm feeling.
I've found a few good websites explaining the Bridal Blues (The last 2 sites are my favorites!)*. I really feel that they're explaining more "wedding jitters" and "cold feet", neither of which I'm experiencing. I feel more depression, anxiety, and stress regarding the wedding.
*THREE TO SIX MONTHS before the wedding can be a strange and emotionally challenging time for many brides. The planning is basically done, but it's not time yet to address invitations or make seating arrangements.
*A bride has to include stress management, self-nurturing, and time to chill out as an integral part of her wedding planning process.
*Really, just read this whole site
Most of those feelings come with what I already told you about, some also come with making sure I please everyone, and taking suggestions well. No, I don't always take suggestions well, especially from my mom. It's hard because I don't always want those suggestions, but it's hard to say no without hurting feelings or sounding like I have a huge attitude.
I still worry a lot about the new baby in the family. I feel like it's going to take away from my day, and three-quarters of the guests will want to pay attention to the baby, not the fact that Josh and I are getting married. I honestly am excited for my FSIL & FBIL, but I really wish that our wedding day could only be about US and OUR COMMITMENT. I feel that I'm not going to have a good time, because I'll spend it all worrying about people enjoying us, not the baby. I feel that I won't truly get MY day, the day I've been dreaming of since I was little, OUR day, the one of the most important ones we'll ever have.
I feel a little better after our weekend trip to Cincinnati. We went for Josh's step-grandma's 90th birthday party. I met a lot of family, and re-met family that I only met once, 5 years ago. It was nice having people excited about the wedding and talk to me about it, but those same people are going to be at the wedding looking forward to the baby. It's a mixed feeling, and it's very weird.
I know I've
complained vented a TON about my emotions, especially the baby. It feels really good to get these emotions off my chest without annoying Josh or my MOH, and without bringing it out to the whole family. So, thank you so so much for reading all of these posts, as sad as they might be.
I'm hoping I don't have the Bridal Blues for the next 5-6 months. It will be too much to handle. I do have some happy posts coming! I have some projects and other things I'll be writing about, so stick around! I promise I won't be writing emotional posts forever!
Have you experienced the Bridal Blues during your planning?